Sitting in the Dark, Writing About Sales. This Is My Life Now.

It’s 1:30 AM. The house is quiet. I’m sitting at my desk with just the laptop screen lighting the room, writing about sales psychology.

If you’d told me a year ago this is where I’d be, I would have laughed. Or worried.

But here’s the thing – and this is what I want to write about tonight – I’m not doing this because something is wrong.

I’m doing this because something is finally right.

What It Looks Like vs. What It Is

From the outside, I know how this looks.

Guy going through a divorce. Up at all hours. Obsessively writing about work. Classic avoidance behavior, right? Throw yourself into something so you don’t have to feel the hard stuff.

I thought that’s what this was, at first. Back in January, when I started this blog, I was using it to fill the silence. To have something to do with my brain when it wouldn’t stop spinning.

But four months in, I can tell you – that’s not what this is anymore.

From the outside, it probably looks like obsession. From the inside, it feels like purpose.

The Unexpected Turn

Here’s something I haven’t written about yet.

While my marriage was ending, something else was beginning. I met someone. And for the first time in longer than I can remember, I’m with a person who actually gets me. Who supports this crazy late-night writing habit instead of resenting it. Who asks about what I’m learning and actually wants to hear the answer.

I’m not sitting in the dark because I’m alone. I’m sitting in the dark because this is when my brain does its best work, and I finally have someone in my life who understands that.

The divorce isn’t a tragedy. It’s a correction. Eighteen years of something that was never right, finally ending so something real could begin.

I’m more hopeful about the future than I’ve been in decades.

Why the Work Matters More Now

When you’re unhappy, you don’t question things. You just survive. Get through the day. Hit your numbers. Go home. Repeat.

But when you’re finally in a good place – really good, not just okay – something shifts. You start asking: what do I actually want to build with the time I have left?

For me, the answer is this. Whatever “this” turns out to be.

I’ve spent thirty years in sales. I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t. I’ve read the research. I’ve connected dots that I don’t think anyone else has connected – or at least not in the way I’m connecting them.

And I think there’s something here. Something worth building. Something that could help people sell in a way that actually aligns with how buyers think.

That’s not avoidance. That’s ambition.

This Is My Life Now

So yes. I’m sitting in the dark at 1:30 AM, writing about sales.

But I’m not running from something. I’m running toward something.

I’ve got a woman who believes in me. A body of research that excites me. A framework taking shape that I think could actually matter. And for the first time in years, I’ve got the mental space to pursue it.

The old life is over. Good riddance.

The new one is just getting started.

This is my life now. And I’m not complaining.

Back to Work

Alright. Enough navel-gazing.

I’ve got three more experiments to run this week. A stack of papers on decision science I haven’t finished. A framework that’s 60% there and needs the other 40%.

The work continues.

More soon.